Kelly Clarkson urges Pope Benedict to stop stalking her

Original American Idol Winner, Kelly Clarkson has written an open letter to show business paper Vanity urging Pope Benedict XVI to cease his constant following of her.
The letter reads as follows:

“Dear Pope Benedict XVI,

Please desist from following me. You are a grown man and father, with another child on the way with Paris Hilton.

You are, like me, a famous person who has responsibilities to your fans and general public. Don’t you feel ashamed? Leave me alone and stop calling me, following me and sending me flowers.

We could never be. Why can’t you get that through your thick skull.

Yours hatefully,

Kelly Clarkson Chubby Singer/ Humanitarian”

The Pontiff has so far made no comment but sources reveal that a pope-mobile matching the description of Benedict’s has been spotted parked across the road from Miss Clarkson’s Hollywood home.

Elton John stalker given police commendation

Convicted child murderer and Elton John stalker, John Lee Cooper has received a commendation from the LA county sherriffs department. “Mr Coopers actions have meant that Elton John has gone into hiding which is great”, beamed Sherriff Hal Hinkle.