Irish famine blamed on Marlon Brando

The Irish potato famine of the 1840’s was the fault of dead legendary fat method actor Marlon Brando, is the dramatic claim made in a new book by Irish one-hit-wonder, Sinead O Connor.

O’ Connor, famous as the demented, bald singer of “Nothing Compares 2U”, claims she has evidence to support the wild claim.

“Marlon Brando was a product of the American system of mass production”, moaned O Connor from her stone cell monastery, “the corporate forces of Hollywood encouraged the cultivation of the potato, which was exported to the States in vast quantities to feed laboratory monkeys used in the thriving cosmetic industries of the Victorian age. Marlon Brando was the man who benefited the most from these face care products, churning out millions of dollars worth of movies which were in turn distributed as evil propaganda for the poor Irish slaving away in the British owned workhouses of the age”.

When asked about how this frankly illogical scheme could have happened when Marlon Brando wasn’t even born at the time, O’ Connor gave an emphatic – but equally mad – answer.
“The cap Marlon Brando wore in The Wild One appears in several photographs taken in rural Ireland during the famine times. And there was only one such hat every made. And that was for Marlon Brando. Proof positive”, said a wild eyed O Connor as she stroked a wooden log.

“How Marlon Brando Ruined The Irish By Stealing Their Potatoes” is available in stores on Friday.

Entourage actor Adrian Grenier threatens to quit show unless he is given gills

Entourage actor Adrian Grenier has threatened to quit the hit TV show unless producers pay for surgery to implant gills on the actors neck.

“Adrian is an average actor”, said an insider,”in fact he’s actually a below average actor. Why the heck should they (the shows producers) pay for him to get the operation? C’mon, it’s not as if he’s auditioning for the remake of The Man from Atlantis, is it?”

Greneier is reputed to be interested in auditioning for the remake of the classic Patrick Duffy-starring TV series “The Man From Atlantis” about a man who has gills and can breath underwater.

"Ok, I stand corrected", admitted the insider

Stereotypes protest in Hollywood

Stereotypes are protesting at the gates of all the major Hollywood studios.

“It’s not fair”, said bumbling British fop Hugh Grant, “they never put us in films anymore. When was the last time you saw me play a bumbling British fop?”.

Other well known faces in attendance were swarthy aging Arab stereotype Omar Sharif, swarthy aging Italian stereotype Ricardo Montalban, old eternally wise black men stereotypes Morgan Freeman and James Earl Jones, nerdy nervous weakling stereotype Rick Moranis and wise cracking annoying sidekick stereotype Tom Arnold.

“Hollywood just doesn’t use stereotypes the way they used to”, bemoaned explosive midget Italian-American mob wise guy stereotype, Joe Pesci, “I’m here supporting all of us Italian-American mob stereotypes, especially the guys from The Soprano’s. What the hell are they gonna do now that the shows been axed?”.

Robert Downey Jnr cancels milk delivery

Troubled “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang” actor Robert Downey Jnr has cancelled deliveries of milk to his LA mansion sparking rumors that he’s a witch.