African Charity donates money to Church of Scientology

African based charity “The Good Givers” has donated a large unspecified sum of money to the Church of Scientology.

“We heard on the radio about the plight of the Scientologists in America”, said spokeswoman Adejale Bijunbumbo of “The Good Givers”, “every sixty seconds a Scientologists goes broke somewhere in the US. Our donation we hope will help bring some relief to these poor people”.

“The Good Givers” were founded in 1984 in Ethiopia by a group of friendly Warlords backed by Britain and the Reagan Administration here in the US.
Although the donation is unspecified, it is thought to exceed three Billion dollars.

"We hope the Scientologists can rebuild some of their centers and continue to make money for loony Hollywood stars", said a teary eyed Mr. Bijunbumbo

Sheryl Crow eats babies

Singer and bag lady Sheryl Crow has entered the record books but not for her vocal talents. Instead the hairy backed musician has turned her hand to cooking dead babies. “Everywhere I look, whether it’s the TV or walking down the street I see dead babies. I hate to see things go to waste so I began collecting them and bringing them back home. My refrigerator is full of them. I invite friends around and we have wonderful meals together”, the “All I wanna Do” singer says.

Indeed, so popular are Sheryl’s culinary skills that she is releasing a cookbook with her next album.
Unfortunately her skills are not appreciated by human rights charity organistaions who disagree with her use of “human based road kill” and intend to mount protest marches outside her house.
“She’s a witch”, spews Kerry Turner of charity Baby Care, “even if she’s a damn fine cook”.

Charlies Angles nut skates for Africa

Farrah Fawcett’s fundraising efforts seem to be never ending. Not only has she publicised the plight of Egyptian pyramid dwellers and Moroccan hashish limbo dancers but she’s managed to raise over 1 million Canadian dollars for these worthy causes.

Her latest generous stunt is to skate across the sands of the Sahara. “I’m a beach girl at heart. I love the sun and sand so I thought to myself , hey the Sahahra, you know it’s a big beach, I can do it”, the golden haired lady grinned.
All the money raised will go to Libyan dictator Colonel Ghadaffi’s favourite cousin, Toni.

Janet Jackson to auction fingers

Super bowl flasher Janet Jackson is to auction her fingers for charity. The generous songstress wants to give back to the community she now calls home: the Saint Paul homeless Shelter. “I expect to make 40 to 50 thousand dollars from the sale. All the money with go to the needy people,” said Jackson.