Retard movie banned in Oklahoma

A movie directed by Oscar Winner Steven Spielberg has been banned in Oklahoma by city officials.
“Retard” is a family movie about a boy who discovers a magical retard hiding in his garage.

“It’s a tale about a suburban boy whose father has recently passed away and he’s trying to come to terms with his loss”, said Spielberg, “he finds a special friend called Retard who helps him and his family”.

“We cover themes of love, loss, rebellion in this picture”, added Spielberg, “and with the 98% of the movie’s gross, I plan to buy a small South American country and rule it like a Sun God”.

Writer/producer George Lucas elaborated further;
“I can relate to retard a lot. I grew up in a relatively wealthy family, I became a multi millionaire very early in life, I’m now a multi-billionaire with an empire that’s viewed by some as a religion…“, Lucas pauses to stroke his beard, “actually I’m nothing like Retard”.

Retard will be portrayed by scary big mouth Sandra Bernhardt and the boy is being played by Jessica Alba.

Michael Moore documentary tackles Michael Moore documentaries

Swashbuckling documentarian Michael Moore’s latest project sees the fat man taking on the might of himself.

“Who am I?”, asks Moore, “when did documentaries become popular entertainment for the big screen? Why don’t any of my clothes fit properly? I think the American public need to know, don’t you?”.

The film, entitled "Michael More More Moore!", is expected early next year.

Christina Ricci plays Madonna’s eyebrows in 80’s set film

Christina Ricci will play the busy eyebrows beloved of Madonna in a movie set in the superstar’s early career.

“She had these big hairy eyebrows back at the start of her career and as the she progressed they got thinner and more plucked”, said Ricci, “They had a character all of their own which is why we’ve made a movie about them”.

Madonna’s Eyebrows opens nationwide shortly.

Antonio Bandaras blames Melanie Griffith and roller-skates for crap career

“Desperado” actor Antonio Bandaras blames his wife Melanie Griffith for his recent bad run of movies.
“Melanie is like poison”, said the Spanish actor, “in Spanish we call her El Diablo (The Devil). I was once popular, but then I married her. Melanie Griffith and her damn roller-skating. She has destroyed me!”
Bandaras is starring in Turkish film "All my lovely Sheep" at the moment.

6th Sense boy’s career ended by Hallucinations

Star of monster hit “The 6th Sense”, Haley Joel Osment has had his career cut short by hallucinations.
“I see dead people”, said the now teenage nut.