Half Badger, Half Crocodile revealed to be Not Christina Aquilera

Residents of a quite suburb in Miami FL, have breathed a collective sigh of relief following the announcement by Miami Dade PD that a creature discovered in the florida everglades is not singing windbag Christina Aquilera.

At a hastily arranged press conference, Detective Walt Teaser described their finding in detail:
“What we have here is a mammel-reptilian hybrid that is half badger and half crocodile. Forensic results can confirm that it is not in any way related to Christina Aquilera. The state of emergency has been lifted and you can all go safely about your business as normal”

The town of Fiasco was put on red alert after a fisherman came upon the beast nestled in the long grass by a riverbank.
“It scared the heck out of me”, said fisherman Dan Reichter, “I was sure it was one of them Aquilera things”.

Clooney Darfur Horror

George Clooney left a family of 15, including two sets of twins, in hospital after running them over in a monster truck while leaving an L.A eatery.
It later emerged that the victims were on a fact finding mission from war torn African region Darfur. Clooney was heard screaming “aw, not again” after his vehicle screeched to a halt.
Speaking through an interpreter the groups elder said “We are shocked. All we wanted to do was come to America and visit a few nightclubs”.
Clooney, an avid spokesperson on human rights in the Darfur region, has refused to apologise saying “They shouldn’t have been there. I’m an American citizen. They’re not.”