Mariah Carey glues face to old man’s leg

Singer Mariah Carey got herself in a sticky situation when she accidentally glued her face to the leg of an 85 year old man.

The incident occurred at a Palm Springs resort, where Carey was recording her latest album of ballads dedicated to hopeless celebrities.

“Mariah is ok”, said a spokeswoman for the singer, “but she was a little shaken by the whole glue thing”.

The man was named as Bobby Bigglesworth, an octogenarian male escort from Flint, Michigan, who is living in the Happy Daze Retirement Home with his dog, Skip.

It’s unknown how, or indeed why, Carey glued her face to the man, but it may have something to do with her madness.

Cabbage Patch Kids modeled on Mickey Rooney

Playboy Playmate Mickey Rooney was the inspiration for ancient doll sensation the Cabbage Patch Kids series of dolls.

“The dolls creator put me up on his knee and said, ‘Mickey, how’d you like to become the face of a great new toy. Y’ know, for kids’. And I said sign me up, baby”, recalled the onion headed old timer.

Dirty old man sues Kurt and Goldie

A homeless Vietnam veteran has successfully sued long term couple Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell.
Jim Downs, a former marine and Miami native, alleged that Goldie Hawn opened the gates to hell and that her partner, “Breakdown” actor Kurt Russell, tried to push him into the fiery embers of hell.

“They willingly tried to end my life. I’m alive but for the grace of God. If I didn’t have my military training I don’t think I’d be still here right now”, whined Downs.
The Court heard how Goldie and Kurt borrowed the gateway to hell from long-time friend Bill Cosby.

“We only intended to kill one old guy”, cried Hawn, “It was supposed to be just a bit of fun”.
Hawn and Russell were each sentenced to a total of 2 months community service and to pay for Mr Downs hospital care. Hawn and Russell are challenging the ruling calling it “unfair”.