Friday, November 9, 2007

Newsreader admits making up the news

Hugely popular Russian televison newscaster Yelena Mankchekova has admitted that she has been making up news stories and using them in her nightly broadcasts which attract a viewership of almost 60 million of the countries vodka swigging population.

She convinced her people and President Vladimir Putin that the USA is melting and is being run by Oompa Loompas, that Abraham Lincoln is alive and well in a cryogenic state from which he rules over his enslaved people with an iron fist. She also told them that Hitler was back in town and advised the countrys children to go to sleep early in case Der Fuhrer may kipnap them and send them to work in his shoe-making factories. She also said that all men over the age of 21 must send their gold teeth to a postal address number which she now admits was owned by her.

Miss Mankchekova, 38, presenter of Russia Today, the nations second most watched programme after Dancing with Yuri the Siberian Bear, made the statement after a work colleague and former boyfriend made allegations in a letter to members of the Russian parliment.

Last nite, Miss Mankchekova made the following unscheduled statement live on air:
"Comrades, it has come to my attention that my pig former boyfriend has made comments about me behind my back. To save further torment I will come clean and admit my wrongdoings. For the past number of years I have been, how shall I say, 'twisting' the truth. Comrades I beg your forgiveness, especially mighty comrade Putin."

Valdimir Putin is said to be very upset and is in a state of shock. It was Miss Mankchekova's insistance that the United States and it's she-male warrior princes were set to invade the country that encouraged the Russian premier to take an aggressive stance and establish a new missile defense system along the borders.
It is not known why Miss Mankchekova decided to behave in this manner but the disgraced newsreader - who performs topless on air each Christmas to raise money for Russian donkeys - has been suspended and sent to a Siberian gulag for some "rest and recooperation".

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