Steven Seagal invites fat girls to howl at his house

Tubby 90’s action hero, Steven Seagal has been spotted placing notices on store windows in Boise, Idaho, calling on fat girls to howl at his house.

The notice reads as follows:

Wanted: Big boned girls, aged 18 +, to gather outside the house of once famous action movie star. Ability to howl a bonus. No experience necessary. This is an unpaid position but may lead to further work. Telephone 555 ********.

Locals are confused by the cryptic notice.
“We get a lot of guy’s around here wanting girls to howl at their house”, said one local resident, “but who the hell is this Steven Seagull character?”.

Buddhist hamster lover, Richard Gere, shocks bus full of school kids with electric chair

Richard Gere caused upset on Friday when he accidentally electrocuted a school bus of boys and girls from a local junior.

“The Pretty Woman guy was playing around with a portable electric chair when things just got way out of hand”, said an eyewitness.

Twelve kids were rushed to hospital with burn injuries and shock.

Mr. Gere claimed he was “researching a film role”.