Joan Rivers stretches her face to Antarctica

Occasionally funny lady Joan Rivers has stretched her face all the way from New York to the ice laden continent Antarctica.

“What can I say, I’m a crazy bitch with an elastic face”, said Ms Rivers.

Mayor Bloomberg hates Americans

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg has admitted to hating his fellow citizens in a revealing interview with chat show host Oprah. “Look, it’s like this”, he explained, “I love my country but goddamn it I hate the stupid American public with their whiney voices and their flag waving bullsh*t”.

Probed further by Oprah, Bloomberg continued, “You really sicken me, Oprah. Don’t you ever just get sick of listening to yourself and your pointless blathering?”
Bloomberg was roundly praised by Congress for his honesty.

Sharon Stone dates Naked Cowboy

“Basic Instinct” naughty lady Sharon Stone has hooked up with a popular New York attraction. “I don’t know how we never met before”, beamed the sultry star, “he’s my ideal man”.

The Naked Cowboy is a Big Apple institution as he performs on the city’s streets wearing little more than a stetson and a wide grin. “I see a lot of people from day to day”, Mr Naked purrs, “Sharon and I just clicked. She understands me better than anyone else”. The Naked Cowboy was previously married to dead “Zorba The Greek” actor Anthony Quinn.