Sunday, October 14, 2007
"Dead" Anna Nicole Smith spotted on the surface of Uranus
Many thought that Anna Nicole - the Playboy Playmate who was married to an octogenarian billionaire, who saw her son die while visiting her in hospital after having a baby, married her lawyer before burying her son and then died herself shortly afterwards in the Bahamas (phew!) - was dead. But no! NASA scientists operating out of the canteen at Cape Canaveral have discovered that the star is alive and well and apparently living a "normal" life on the planet Uranus.
Professor Mosley Krapptawker explains:
"Some of our highly paid scientist's were doing a random search of the solar system after a late night drink and drugs fuelled binge, when all of a sudden something peculiar and unexpected showed up on our monitors. Upon closer examination and a process of elimination we deduced that what we'd sen was Anna Nicole Smith licking her lips on the northwestern side of the planet Uranus. We were quite suprised, as I'm sure you can understand."
Many theories have been put forward for the strange discovery. One being that Anna Nicole's body got mixed up with that of the body of James "Scotty" Doohan from Star Trek, who was to be buried in space. Journalists were later informed that Scotty could'nt be blasted into space due to a technicality and was returned to Earth. Was this a conspiracy to cover up the mistake of accidentally blasting Smith into the cosmos?
All of this fails to answer the central question. How could Anna Nicole be alive? Professor Krapptawker has an explanation:
"Miss Smith died with quite a substantial amount of prescription drugs and narcotics in her system. These drugs - under certain conditions such as low gravity and lack of oxygen - can have the efffect of reviving a person and in fact bringing them back to life".
But what of the appearance on Uranus?
"Miss Smith possible travelled for many millions of miles before getting sucked into the gravitational pull of Uranus. There she must have landed and continued to lead her life as normal".
NASAS nad several other internation space agencies have put in motion immediate plans to launch "exploration" missions to Uranus to photograph the (human) star.
"We've been appraoched by the National Enquiror and serveral British and German tabloids for pictures of Miss Smith sunbathing nude on the planets surface", said Professor Krapptawker, "she appears to be unfazed by the whole fact of coming back to life and living on another planet. It's almost as if she is used to living in her own little world".