Mental patient thanks Oprah for shooting his talking dog

A mental patient has praised the TV talk show host Oprah Winfrey for shooting his poodle with her AK-47 assult rifle.

Alvin Chipmonk, 43, from Housten TX, was ecstatic in his delight at Winfrey’s intervention:
“Oprah, you saved my life. If it wasn’t for you I may just have done something real bad. That dog of mine was a ticking time bomb, always telling me to do bad things”.

Winfrey fired on the dog while out walking with her friend Gayle at the “Benjamin Bonkers Asylum for the Insane” when she came upon the animal.

“Now everybody knows I love my guns”, boomed Winfrey, “and my good friend Gayle said ‘Oprah, look at that talking dog over there’. It was lucky I was carrying my gold-plated Kalashnikov at the time”.

The dog, Mister Tibbs, is in a comfortable position in hospital but doctors say he will never speak again.

Law and Order actor hit with court order

Law and Orders crusading states attorney Sam Waterston has been hit with a court order barring him from going closer than 100 metres to a Taco Bell. The grey haired actor caused a ruckus early this year when he stormed the premises while carrying an arsenal of weapons ranging from semi automatic sub machine guns to rocket propelled grenade launchers.

Citing “cat troubles” and “gangrene” as reasons for his unruly behaviour didn’t prevent the courts from finding against him. Waterston is said to be feeling “better” and has patched up his relationship with his cat.