Mental patient thanks Oprah for shooting his talking dog

A mental patient has praised the TV talk show host Oprah Winfrey for shooting his poodle with her AK-47 assult rifle.

Alvin Chipmonk, 43, from Housten TX, was ecstatic in his delight at Winfrey’s intervention:
“Oprah, you saved my life. If it wasn’t for you I may just have done something real bad. That dog of mine was a ticking time bomb, always telling me to do bad things”.

Winfrey fired on the dog while out walking with her friend Gayle at the “Benjamin Bonkers Asylum for the Insane” when she came upon the animal.

“Now everybody knows I love my guns”, boomed Winfrey, “and my good friend Gayle said ‘Oprah, look at that talking dog over there’. It was lucky I was carrying my gold-plated Kalashnikov at the time”.

The dog, Mister Tibbs, is in a comfortable position in hospital but doctors say he will never speak again.

Mickey Rourke's dog meets Zimbabewe's Robert Mugabe

Mickey Rourkes dog, who was appointed by Governor Schwarzenegger as leader of a fact finding mission to Zimbabwe meet Robert Mugabe yesterday. The two discussed both domestic and foreign policies and enjoyed a casual stroll in a nearby park.

“We came to many good decisions on absolutely nothing”, smiled Mr. Mugabe

Julia Roberts enters Crufts Dog Show

“Pretty Woman” Julia Roberts has applied for entrance to prestigious dog show Crufts. The “Mary Riley” star has sought admission in the small pedigree category.
“She has a long nose, distinctive rubbery lips and bright eyes. She could do quite well”, disclosed a festival organiser.