"Nazi Supermen Are Our Masters" - Mel Gibson tells Jewish school kids

Movie star/director/nut-case, Mel 'Gibbo' Gibson, has once again shocked the respectable world of Hollywood by declaring his 'admiration' for Nazi's - to a group of Jewish school children while visiting their school.

Gibson - described as 'bonkers' by one little boy - entered the classroom with his ageing xenophobic Father and began ranting and raving while handing out food vouchers for his local KKK-owned supermarket and homemade gingerbread Hitler cookies.

"He told us that Nazi supermen are our masters. What's a Nazi?", sobbed 9-year-old Timmy.

The children's schoolteacher Miss Sensible sensed danger and immediately instructed the class to resume the Gibbo position.

"Every Jewish school has a Gibbo safety policy which we practice twice a day", said the sensible Miss Sensible , "some people thought we were too reactionary but thank god for our training".

At the end of his rant, Gibson leapt from a 3rd floor window to the street below and escaped -naked - by foot into surrounding brush.
His Father took the stairs. Literally.
Firemen had to use ladders to rescue the stranded kids.

Gibson has subsequently apologized for his outburst and blamed it on drink and society.

Zombie Olympics to be opened by Mel Gibson

The XXIII Zombie Olympiad’s official opening ceremony begins later today with a host of celebrities in attendence.

The Olympic torch will be extinguished by none other than movie star and leper Mel Gibson.

“It is an honor to be chosen”, said Mad Mel, “the extinguishing of the Olympic torch symbolises the removal of the zombie’s greastest fear - fire - and allows the proud athletes to compete in safety”.

Popular events include the 100 meters sprint, which takes over an hour to complete due to the slowness of the competitors.

“What I’m really excited about seeing”, said Gibson, “is the swimming events. The water turns to porridge after a couple of laps”.

“Dancing Rascists” musical wows Broadway critics and fans

“Dancing Racists‘”, a depression-era set musical starring Jean Claude Van Damme and Piper Perabo has been drawing in record box office numbers with multiple sell out shows.

“It’s a phenomenom”, said Van Damme, “I haven’t been this popular since Time Cop and even then I wasn't that popular”.

The musical deals with themes of love and loss amongst a small town community in rural America.

“We have to come to terms with such things as robot monsters, killer plants, angry black people and stuff like that”, continued Van Damme.

Suprisingly the musical has even attracted praise from unlikely sources such as Amnesty International.

“It features stereotypes of all colors and creeds”, said Lizzie Dolson of Amnesty International, “the dancing minstrel housemaid, the Irish drunken thief, the Chinese kung-fu expert chef and they even manage to squeeze in a part for an igloo building Inuit”.

“Dancing Rascists” is produced by Mel Gibsons production company Icon and directed by Gibson’s father.

Leper Colony officially opened by Hollywood mayor

A celebrity leper colony had it’s opening ceremony performed yesterday in Burbank, Hollywood. The red tape cutting event was attended by some well known Hollywood lepers. Kirk Douglas was there, accompanied by his son Michael and his wife Catherine. So too was Mel Gibson, a long term sufferer of the disease, and close friends Danny Glover, Rene Russo, Tea Leone and Martha Stewart.

“Saved By the Bell” star Dustin “Screech” Diamond read a poem he composed especially for the occasion entitled “We fall Apart, Together”.
The exclusive colony features a ballroom, cinema and a fifty foot deep feeding pit.

Gibson seeks help

At last Mel Gibson has sought help for his leprosy problem. The Christian-loving alcoholic anti-Semite has had a long suffering relationship with the disease. During Lethal Weapon 4 he insisted that midget actor Joe Pesci should be included in many scenes in order to distract from his pain. Gibson blames his disease on poor quality holy water he drank while on a vacation in Israel with his father.