U2 frontman sells orphans on eBay

Bono, the lead singer of Irish rockers U2 has been caught selling African orphans on Internet auction site eBay again. “It’s against company policy to sell humans. The seller in question has been banned”, stated an eBay spokesperson.

Bishop Desmond Tutu wins big in Las Vegas

Former Chairman of South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission, Bishop Desmond Tutu, struck it rich at the slot machines on a wild weekend in Vegas. “I’m rich beyond my wildest dreams”, cackled the religious man as he gathered the 6 million dollar prize.

Bishop Tutu was accompanied by Carmen Electra, Wini Mandela and David Spade.

Bon Jovi to release “worst of “album

Bon Jovi front man Jon Bon Jovi intends to release a “worst of” compilation before the years end.
“We have such a bad back catalogue that it seems a shame not to do a special compilation of songs. Our fans will buy anything we release”, he snorted, “and we intend to tour with it too. I love money so much”.

Trump trapped in mine

Millionaire and terrorist, Ivana Trump has become the centre of rescue efforts at a South African mine.
The loaded lady was apparently visiting the mine to hang out with 6 of her 22 boyfriends. Events turned sour when they became trapped 2 miles underground at the gold mine in Pretoria, South Africa.

Rescuers say she and the other miners have a “slim to none” chance of survival but upon hearing of her wealth they raised the odds to “very strong”. Her former husband Billionaire ginger head Donald Trump has expressed an interest in seeing her die.