Hasselhoff declares war on Turkmenistan

America’s got Talent judge David Hasselhoff has delared war on former Soviet region Turkmenistan.
The “Night Rider” and “Baywatch” hunk has had his eye on the troubled nation for quite some time.

“The Turkmen are our enemies”, growled the former UN High commissioner for Human Rights, “myself and KIT have come to the conclusion that they must be destroyed immediately in order to protect the American way of life”.
Sales of Mr Hasselhoff’s latest CD “Night Moves” have been slow in Turkmenistan, with the star only reaching number 5 in their weekly charts.

Judge Reinhold attempts comeback

Following hot on the heels of Steve Guttenburgs appearances in Veronica Mars, other 80’s has been Judge Reinhold is to reinvent himself on the small screen. “Paper Boy” will see Reinhold play the part of a 10 year old schoolboy Holocaust survivor who delivers newspapers in a leafy suburban Californian town inhabited by Nazi‘s.

“I see myself as a man child figure. People will accept me as a boy. I know they will”, spouts the deluded star.
Corey Feldman (The Goonies), Dirk Benedict (The A Team) and Kate Jackson (Charlies Angels) have all expressed their willingness to be cast in the show or failing this to be cast in anything at all.