Hasselhoff declares war on Turkmenistan

America’s got Talent judge David Hasselhoff has delared war on former Soviet region Turkmenistan.
The “Night Rider” and “Baywatch” hunk has had his eye on the troubled nation for quite some time.

“The Turkmen are our enemies”, growled the former UN High commissioner for Human Rights, “myself and KIT have come to the conclusion that they must be destroyed immediately in order to protect the American way of life”.
Sales of Mr Hasselhoff’s latest CD “Night Moves” have been slow in Turkmenistan, with the star only reaching number 5 in their weekly charts.

Governor Schwarzenegger loses ability to strut

“Terminator” muscle man Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has lost the ability to strut.

“It’s terrible. Maria, first noticed, then the children. I studied my walk in the mirror and discovered it was true. I have lost my strut”, bellowed the guttural one. Aides blame the Governors recent change of underpants.