Tom Cruise and John Travolta convert to new Sausagology religion

Tom Cruise and John Travolta have switched from one cult to another equally bonkers one.

“Scientology was fun”, said Travolta, “but I needed something that was crazier and made less sense”.

The growing religion of Sausagology teaches believers that the universe was created by the Great Sausage God zillions of years ago and that the earth and all it’s creatures, including human beings, were formed for the purpose of spreading the gospel of sausage to unsuspecting fools.

“I just think it’s great”, grinned new face of garden gnomes, Cruise, “Sausagology allows me to be who I really am. My life has changed. Plus I don’t have to pay millions of dollars each year to keep the damn religion off my back”.

Meetings take place at various sausage centers around the country, where the congragents gather to talk about sausages and sing songs about sausages and do other sausage-based things.

“But we are forbidden to actually eat sausages”, added Cruise, “which is really hard for John (Travolta) to not do, seeing as he's such a fat bast*rd”.

John Travolta is electric

“Look Who’s Talking” goon John Travolta is to generate electricity for his home town of New Jersey. The lard faced star discovered his unique ability while rubbing his knees together.
“I was just sitting on the couch watching TV when all of a sudden my legs brushed against each other and wham, next thing I know it’s like lightening or something. I immediately called Oprah and told her all about it,” he said.
After months of strenuous testing Travolta is ready and the Travolta Power Station will be officially opened by Oprah Winfrey and Kim Jong Il this Thursday.