Tom Cruise and John Travolta convert to new Sausagology religion

Tom Cruise and John Travolta have switched from one cult to another equally bonkers one.

“Scientology was fun”, said Travolta, “but I needed something that was crazier and made less sense”.

The growing religion of Sausagology teaches believers that the universe was created by the Great Sausage God zillions of years ago and that the earth and all it’s creatures, including human beings, were formed for the purpose of spreading the gospel of sausage to unsuspecting fools.

“I just think it’s great”, grinned new face of garden gnomes, Cruise, “Sausagology allows me to be who I really am. My life has changed. Plus I don’t have to pay millions of dollars each year to keep the damn religion off my back”.

Meetings take place at various sausage centers around the country, where the congragents gather to talk about sausages and sing songs about sausages and do other sausage-based things.

“But we are forbidden to actually eat sausages”, added Cruise, “which is really hard for John (Travolta) to not do, seeing as he's such a fat bast*rd”.

African Charity donates money to Church of Scientology

African based charity “The Good Givers” has donated a large unspecified sum of money to the Church of Scientology.

“We heard on the radio about the plight of the Scientologists in America”, said spokeswoman Adejale Bijunbumbo of “The Good Givers”, “every sixty seconds a Scientologists goes broke somewhere in the US. Our donation we hope will help bring some relief to these poor people”.

“The Good Givers” were founded in 1984 in Ethiopia by a group of friendly Warlords backed by Britain and the Reagan Administration here in the US.
Although the donation is unspecified, it is thought to exceed three Billion dollars.

"We hope the Scientologists can rebuild some of their centers and continue to make money for loony Hollywood stars", said a teary eyed Mr. Bijunbumbo