George W Bush gets trapped in public toilet

President George W Bush had a lucky escape after getting trapped in a public toilet in a Dallas shopping mall.

“We saw the whole thing on CCTV”, said Jawanna Myles, “I work with the mall security team and we all laughed when we saw the President get trapped. It was so funny”.

C.I.A officials did not see it that way and a major security plan was put into action with all exits being blocked and a two mile cordon being set up around the mall perimeter.

Rumor has it that Bush dropped the keys to Air Force 1 down the lavatory and attempted to retrieve them but got into trouble when his $480,000 Rolex lodged in the U-bend, effectively trapping the fool.

“The President is unhurt”, said a White House spokesman, “terrorist links are being investigated and further action may yet be taken”.

Reports later in the afternoon came through that an Afghan Rolex factory was bombed by two F-16 fighter jets, but these two events may be unrelated.

Murder She Wrote actress insults Kofi Annan

Angela Lansbury, who played Jessica Fletcher” in the hit 80’s show, has provoked consternation in Washington by calling former UN Secretary General Kofi Annan a “mother*ck*r”.

The row erupted during a dinner organised by President Bush in honour of Mr. Annan.
“It was incredible”, said guest and eyewitness Lorenzo Lamas (Falcon Crest), “Mr Annan wanted to meet a number of famous faces from television such as myself and others. Then Angelsaburst in and all hell broke loose”.
Miss Landsbury was returned to a secure unit at San Quentin high Security prison where she is serving an 18 year term for murdering New York crime boss John Gotti.

George Bush to live in africa

President Bush wants to live in Africa and become a Tarzan-like figure.
Speaking to The Financial Times Affrican Correspondent, Nijume Biyahlo, Mr. Bush said:
"I like Africa. And the africanese peoples. I like lions and elephants.And monkeys.I see myself as a modern day Tarzan.I would love to climb trees and kill crocodiles.Obviously I will need to bulk up a little and learn the africanese language but once my time as commander in chief has ended I will fullfill my true ambition to live wild".
When questioned on the difficulties he might face Mr. Bush responded:
" My mom, Barbara, has been living in a treehouse in our back yard for over 4 years and she has become quite the survivalist. She promises to pass on all her knowledge to me."