Disney closes retard exhibition

Disney chiefs were left with egg on their faces with their newest theme park attraction, “The Retard Valley”.
“It was poorly thought out”, admitted Roy Disney.

Kobe Bryant tops worst flautist list

Basketball star Kobe Bryant has topped a list of the worst Hollywood flute players. He may be good on the court but he is useless with the delicate wind instrument.

Also in the top ten were cabbage headed singer Art Garfunkel, Actor and door to door heroin salesman John Goodman, as well as Disney chairman Michael Eisner. Just missing out of a top ten spot was Dirty Dancing’s Patrick Swayse.

The full list appears in Forbes magazines Top Flautists Edition available at all good newsstands nationwide.

Clint Eastwood has “face like jello”

Co stars on Clint Eastwoods newest film have told reporters that the “Man with no Name” has a very strange habit. “Fantastic Four” actress Jessica Alba has described how Clint prepares before each take.
“He goes to a quiet corner with a bunch of billiard balls. And then all of a sudden he pushes them into his face. It was freaky at first but then I became kind of used to it”, cooed Alba.

“He say’s it makes him concentrate”, states another co star Tim Robbins, “some people chew gum. Others stick billiard balls into their faces. Whatever works, I suppose”.
Alba, who plays Eastwoods sixty eight year old cat in the Disney produced film points out that “he has a face like jello. I’ve learned so much from him.”