Hollywood Big Noses gather to celebrate at Annual Event

A glittering array of stars turned out last night for the 42nd annual Nosey’s. Celebrating the best and the brightest big nosed stars, the event attracted such luminaries as Barry Manilow, Barbara Streisand, and Pete Townsend of The Who, who arrived with someone else’s children.

“I’m delighted to be here”, said nominee Sean Penn, “I rowed here in a bathtub after another of my homes burned down but this whole occasion has cheered me up”.

Tennis ace, Steffi Graf spoke briefly: “A few years ago I won Best Supporting Female Nose but this year I’m just happy to be nominated”, she lied.

British big nose Rod Stewart was in great mood: “I bumped into Ronnie Woods (The Rolling Stones) back stage and we shared a hankerchief”.

A special award was posthumously awarded to legendary performer Jimmy Durante for “Outstanding Achievemnt in Big Noseness”.
Full results are available online somewhere - probably.

Josh Brolin commandeers submarine and fires nuke while drunk on stepmothers urine

“Hollow Man” actor and son of ”Hotel” actor James, Josh Brolin commandeered a US nuclear submarine during a nighttime drinking binge on stepmother Barbara Steisands vintage urine collection. US Naval authorities have expressed dismay at Mr. Brolin’s childish antics. “He’s a bad, bad boy”, said a Navy spokesman.

A San Diego city block was destroyed during Brolin’s naughty nuclear launch. “He f*cked up, big time”, griped newly appointed Nuclear Energy Spokeswoman Rosie O Donnell as she surveyed the scene.

Barbara Steisand addicted to pain

Whining big nose Barbara Steisand is addicted to pain. The sado–masochistic icon has been visiting exclusive celebrity torture clinic “La Whip”, which is located near to her Manhatten home.

“The woman is a human pin cushion”, said Dorathy Spangler, the clinics receptionist, “She leaves then comes back in almost immediately. I’ve never seen someone so eager.”
Steisand, the new face of Calvin Klein male underwear, has said in the past that she is the “diva of gimps”.