Simpsons creator stabs the “Rapping Granny” in the knees

Simpsons creator Matt Groening said “I didn’t do it” yesterday from his Palm Beach retreat. Mr Groening was responding to complaints that he viciously assaulted America’s Got Talent contestant “The Rapping Granny” with an 8-inch blade at an LA strip joint. “Look, there’s a million crazy Vietnam vet’s out there that look just like me”, claimed Groening, “it’ll never stand up in court. And neither will she”.

Dirty old man sues Kurt and Goldie

A homeless Vietnam veteran has successfully sued long term couple Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell.
Jim Downs, a former marine and Miami native, alleged that Goldie Hawn opened the gates to hell and that her partner, “Breakdown” actor Kurt Russell, tried to push him into the fiery embers of hell.

“They willingly tried to end my life. I’m alive but for the grace of God. If I didn’t have my military training I don’t think I’d be still here right now”, whined Downs.
The Court heard how Goldie and Kurt borrowed the gateway to hell from long-time friend Bill Cosby.

“We only intended to kill one old guy”, cried Hawn, “It was supposed to be just a bit of fun”.
Hawn and Russell were each sentenced to a total of 2 months community service and to pay for Mr Downs hospital care. Hawn and Russell are challenging the ruling calling it “unfair”.