Republican candidate Giuliani will “turn back time”

Former New York mayor, Rudolph Giuliani says he want’s America to go back to a safer time.
“You know in the very first Superman movie the bit where Superman flies around the world so fast that time goes backwards and he saves Lois Lane because everything goes back to the way it was before Lex Luthor created the giant earthquake which killed her?”, said an excited Giuliani at a Republican fundraiser, “well that’s what I’m going to do if elected”. When told that pop star e Spears already has a time machine that can do the same thing, Giuliani meekly stepped away from the podium and sat silently in the corner.

Britney Spears shot J.F.K

Britney Spears has revealed to a psychic that it was she - not Lee Harvey Oswald - that shot U.S President John F. Kennedy.

The shocking revelation was revealed during a seance at a downtown L.A paranormalist's store.
Miss Spears declared - while under hypnosis -that she used her vast fortune to fund the creation of a time machine so that she could travel back to the 1960's where she originally intended to purchase the unique fashion of the day - a gold lame mini skirt with diamonte details. Unfortunately Government sources - in league with Mafia bosses with Soviet connections - heard of her plan and convinced her to assainate Mr. Kennedy.

Using another device she funded earlier - a cloning machine - Spears made duplicates of herself. She arranged to be in several different locations on that faithful Dallas day including the book depository and the grassy knoll where she/they took aim and did her/their evil deed.
Mr Oswald was the stooge who took the fall in Miss Spears absense.
Miss Spears is convinced that what she delared is the truth but she cannot explain where the time machine or cloning device are now. The C.I.A, F.B.I and LAPD detectives are attempting to reopen the case.