Charlton Heston slams the National Rifle Association for “gun loving”

Legendary Hollywood actor and N.R.A spokesman Charlton Heston has slammed the association for what he calls a “gun loving” attitude.

Speaking at a remarkably bizarre rally staged in Augusta, Georgia, Heston, while stoned out of his head on drugs, said :

“Must we be so gun loving? Are we that inhumane that we ignore the plight of our fellow man? Where is the tower of strength, the communal care, the flying monkeys? Are we not men?”

The speech was greeted with cheers from the assembled masses who laid down their weapons and pledged to bring love to the world through yoga and seafood cooking.

“He spoke what I was thinking all along”, said NRA member JD Calvin Cuttle, “my heart was beating so fast while he spoke I surely thought it was gonna explode. And the flying monkey reference really rang through with myself and my family”.

Mr. Heston exited the building on a flying monkey accompanied by a talking mouse and a sheep, according to N.R.A eyewitnesses gathered at the L.S.D table.

Peace Campaigner Paula Abdul shaves monkeys

Nobel prize recipient, Paula Abdul has joined forces with the W.H.O (World Health Organisation) to shave monkeys in Indonesia.

“We need to do everything we can to help these people and if shaving monkeys can help these people then I believe we must not shirk our responsibilities”, said the American idol judge and singer as she tried to hold back her tears.
Indonesian officials say that the idea is “bizarre” and will “probably serve very little purpose”.