Pinocchio to testify at OJ Simpson trial

Lederhosen wearing, wooden boy Pinnochio is set to testify in the OJ Simpson armed robbery trial.
Pinnochio, who has also given evidence at OJ's murder trial back in the mid-90's and Michael Jackson's various bizarre trials, recently offered his services to defence lawyers at the Phil "Crazy hair" Spector case.
It seems Mister Pinnochio somehow manags to turn up in the right place at the right time. His sweet demeanour and cutesy voice have all played there part in swaying jurors opinions.

"My Papa Gepeto always told me to be a good little Pinnochio and to never ever tell a lie. And I swear that I will never, ever lie", squeeked the little guy as he almost poked a journalists eye out with his nose.
OJ's team have great faith in the little man.
"I believe my client will be proven innocent on all counts thanks to the honesty and intergrity of Pinnochio. How could a jury not be swayed by his sweet, sweet words of truthfullness?", smiled Johnny Cochrane Jnr.

"I witnessed the whole thing", claims Pinnochio, "OJ is completly blameless. It's all a big conspiracy. Anyone can tell that OJ is a wonderful man who wouldn't hurt a fly".

Since his stalled film career, Pinnochio has become a professional witness for individual clients and large Multinationals such as Microsoft. It's said that Martha Stewert got sent down because she refused his services. Pinnochio himself was on the board of Enron yet managed to save his own skin by performing a little dance for the judges, who cleared him of all wrongdoing becuase he was so "lovely".

Paris Hilton Keyboard ensures easy web access to the socialite

A computer keyboard has been launched by Microsoft, which ensures that you get all the latest Paris Hilton news. Dubbed the “Paris-Pad”, the keyboard features a single button marked “Paris Hilton”.
“We aim this product mostly at Paris fans”, said evil Microsoft hunchback, Bill Gates, “but it’s not solely limited to just fans”.

Retailing at $50, the same price as Paris’ mechanical ear, the “Paris-Pad” links directly to the parishilton.crap webpage.

“Why waste time typing in words?”, said Gates, “when all most people want to find out is about Paris Hilton and what she‘s up to”.
Sales of the “Paris-Pad” have sky rocketed, with tabloid journalists most eager to get their hands on the product.