Half Badger, Half Crocodile revealed to be Not Christina Aquilera

Residents of a quite suburb in Miami FL, have breathed a collective sigh of relief following the announcement by Miami Dade PD that a creature discovered in the florida everglades is not singing windbag Christina Aquilera.

At a hastily arranged press conference, Detective Walt Teaser described their finding in detail:
“What we have here is a mammel-reptilian hybrid that is half badger and half crocodile. Forensic results can confirm that it is not in any way related to Christina Aquilera. The state of emergency has been lifted and you can all go safely about your business as normal”

The town of Fiasco was put on red alert after a fisherman came upon the beast nestled in the long grass by a riverbank.
“It scared the heck out of me”, said fisherman Dan Reichter, “I was sure it was one of them Aquilera things”.

C.S.I star Caruso counts himself lucky

CSI Miami star David Caruso counts himself lucky to be alive after escaping the jaws of death during filming of the series finale.
Caruso, who plays “Detective Horatio Caine” in the CBS hit show describes how he was pulled to safety by stuntmen seconds before being crushed by a pair of giant sun glasses.
“It was extreme. I would have died if it hadn’t been for the swift thinking of the stunt team”, he coolly whispered.
Series producer Jerry Bruckheimer added ,“ the story called for guest star Pope Benedict to leap from a moving car. As we were filming the scene a 50 foot pair of designer sun shades dropped from the sky, narrowly missing David”.

Asked where the shades came from, Bruckheimer was unable to answer. “I honestly have no idea. They weren’t even a stage prop“, he shrugged.